Hotaru's Kidnapping! Kaorinite's Rape!
by MarsFireSoul2500
Summary: Oh, boy...


The automatic doors slid open and a shady figure, wearing a tank top, jeans, and a baseball cap pulled down over their eyes, stepped inside the Crown Café. The person looked up and the light shone upon her face. Haruka walked in further and spotted Michiru having a cup of tea with Setsuna.  
Haruka: Hey, Michi.  
She said, coming over to their table. Setsuna and Michiru looked up at her. Michiru made a weird face at Haruka.  
Haruka: Got a problem, jit?  
She turned to Setsuna and vainly stated,  
Michiru: Ew, Setsuna, she looks like a man.  
Haruka: I do not!  
Michiru: You dress like a ghetto Motoki!  
Setsuna: Yeah, you do.  
She laughed,  
Setsuna: I'm almost attracted to your toughness.  
Haruka: Don't even, honey...  
Unazuki rushed over when she noticed Haruka and Michiru together.  
Unazuki: OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HERE! Do the quote! Do it!  
She screamed, spastically.  
Haruka: Quote?  
She asked, looking Michiru's way.  
Michiru: Oh, that ridiculous quote we did together in the dub Sailor Moon S.  
Haruka: Sorry, babe, I don't do dub.  
Michiru: Oh, come on, Haruka. It'll be fun.  
Setsuna: Yeah. Don't be a party pooper!  
Haruka: Ey ey ey! I don' wanna hear nuttin' from you, "Set"! Let's see you do a dub quote!  
Setsuna raised her eyebrow and looked around at everyone.  
Setsuna: Seriously?  
Michiru: Now who's pooping on the party!  
Unazuki: Ohh, please can you guys do a quote?  
Setsuna: I suppose...  
She sighed, standing up.  
Setsuna: "Don't be afraid of me, Sailor Scouts! My name is Sailor Pluto. I guard the door of time and space. We can save the future by protecting the past! Continue to guard her. I know you will. And never ever surrender the Silver Crystal."  
Michiru, Haruka, and Unazuki stared at Setsuna, speechless. Setsuna sat back down and sipped her tea.  
Michiru: Jeez, Set, for someone so against the dub as you, you sure as hell got into it, didn't ya?  
Unazuki: Oh, wow! That was great! Okay, okay, your turn!  
She said, turning to Haruka.  
Setsuna: Yeah, "Rukes," let's see whatcha got.  
The butch blonde cleared her throat, then began.  
Haruka: "Seems so long ago, my first kiss..."  
Everyone quietly turned to Michiru, who was standing with her eyes closed awaiting her part. Suddenly, her eyes shot open and bulged.  
Michiru: "NOT FOR ME, AMARA!"  
The three girls clapped.  
Haruka: Damn, you're sexy when you say that!  
Michiru: "I remember it like, like it was yesterday; It was so magical. It was with Brad, the cutest boy in school."  
She continued.  
Unazuki: Brad?  
Setsuna: Brad?  
Haruka: Brad! Who da fuck is dis "Brad"!  
Haruka yelled, pounding on the table.  
Michiru: It's part of the quote.  
Unazuki: Oh, yah, now I remember! It's Haruka-san's dub name, isn't it?  
Haruka: Oh... I uh, knew that...  
Michiru smiled and giggled.  
Setsuna: No, it isn't.  
Unazuki: No?  
Setsuna: No.  
Haruka: Then what are our dub names?  
Michiru put her teacup down and her eyes bulged again.  
Michiru: "HEY! amARA! MICHelle!"  
She said in a goofy, opera-like voice.  
Setsuna: Michiru's Michelle.  
Haruka: ...And I'm Amara?  
Setsuna nodded.  
Haruka: What a crappy name!

S title screen & title music  
Sailor Moon S  
Hotaru's Kidnapping! Kaorinite's Rape!  
& Setsuna's Mispronunciation!

Haruka pulled her cap over her eyes and started to rap the Jay Z and Beyonce song.  
Haruka: Down the ride till the very end, is me and my girlfriend. Me and my girlfriend.  
Unazuki looked up at the clock.  
Unazuki: Well, I better get back to work. Don't wanna get fired again for whoring around.  
She said, leaving their presence and tending to her customers. Haruka pulled up a chair and joined Setsuna and Michiru.  
Setsuna: So, what's new with you, Haruka?  
Michiru: Stupid! Why would you ask her such a question!  
She shouted. Setsuna was taken by surprise by Michiru's reaction.  
Haruka: Shut it, Michi!  
Haruka turned to Setsuna.  
Haruka: I was thinkin' bout goin' down to the bike show in Shinjuku.  
Setsuna: Oh, bicycles?  
Haruka's expression became stern.  
Haruka: No... Motorcycles...  
Michiru secretly giggled behind her hand.  
Setsuna: Hmm? Oh! You mean those new watjamahoozits that you ride with one foot, right?  
Haruka: Those are scooters, Set.  
Michiru: Let's just drop it since the only one interested in this conversation has no idea what the fuck she's talking about.  
Setsuna laughed.  
Haruka: She's talkin' bout you, Set.

Meanwhile, out in outerspace,  
Hotaru: Hehehe!  
The interplanetary girl bopped around in the anitgravity with her infamous purple balloon.  
Captain Kurk: Who are you and what are you doing here!  
He asked, floating into the room,  
Captain Kurk: Did you turn off the gravity!  
Hotaru: Shut up, you has-been! I'm having fun!  
Captain Kurk: No! Go home, you little whore!  
Hotaru drifted over to him and smacked him over the head with her balloon. Captain Kurk pulled a lever on the main control pannel and turned the gravity back on. Both of them fell to the floor.  
Hotaru: Ow! I hurt my butt!  
She yelled, getting up and rubbing her backside.  
Hotaru: I eat fish poo and fish and I'm gonna throw it up on you!  
Her eyes became a glowing deep red and she charged at Captain Kurk. Afraid of what she might do to him, he pulled out his corny Star Trek communicator.  
Captain Kurk: Scotty, beam her the hell outta here before she hurls on me!  
Hotaru: RAAWR-!  
A green light shot up from the floor and surrounded her body, then she disappeared.

Back at the Crown Café, the three women continued chatting.  
Hotaru: Hi, Setsuna-san!  
The three girls froze when they heard that voice. Slowly, Haruka turned around while Setsuna and Michiru looked up from their tea. Sure enough, annoying little Hotaru stood nearby, dying to annoy them. Setsuna sighed.  
Setsuna: Hi, Michiru.  
Michiru: You mean 'Hotaru-chan'.  
Hotaru: You mean 'Hotaru-chan'.  
Setsuna: Ohh. Yah, sorry.  
Haruka: Who gives a donkey's shit?  
Michiru: Mmm! Donkey shit! Yummy!  
Haruka glared at Michiru.  
Haruka: Shut up, Ho!  
Michiru continued drinking her tea very lezzily.  
Hotaru: Yeah...  
Hotaru said, supichily.  
Hotaru: Suspicshly.  
Haruka: SUSPICIOUSLY! You dumbass...  
Hotaru: What did you call me?  
Haruka: You heard me suckah!  
Hotaru: Whatever...  
Setsuna finished her tea and got up.  
Setsuna: I'll be going now. See you all later.  
As she walked away from the table, she tripped over a longer part of her dress and fell.  
Setsuna: Dammit, you stupid dress!  
She began to wrestle with herself on the ground where she had fallen. Haruka and Michiru watched with interest.  
Hotaru: You don't like that dress, do you, Setsuna-san?  
Setsuna pulled out a gun and shot at her dress until she was dressed in nothing but her patterned leopard skin bra and thong.  
Setsuna: Whoops! Shot too much...  
Haruka: Woah.  
Michiru: Oh my! Setsuna porn!  
Haruka: YEH, BEH BEH!  
Hotaru: Ummm, Setsuna-san?  
Setsuna looked up at Hotaru, who seemed to have yet another question. Instead of asking a question, Hotaru burst out laughing.  
Hotaru: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Setsuna: My pride is all I have.  
She said to herself, getting up and walking out of the café. Everyone in the café stared at Setsuna in shock.  
Haruka: Dayam!

Haruka chased after, calling,  
Haruka: Hey, Set, get ovah herre!  
Michiru went ahead of Haruka and handed Setsuna a part of her dress.  
Michiru: Here. It's just the front apron, but-  
Setsuna: Screw you! If I can't have a whole dress, neither can you!  
Setsuna lifted her gun once again and shot holes throughout Michiru's dress.  
Michiru: Ahh! My dress!  
Setsuna: Die, you stupid Sonofabitch!  
Michiru stood naked as the last shreds of her clothing fell to the pavement.  
Michiru: I was um, wearing that, thank you very much.  
Astounded, Haruka stood, speechless and motionless, staring at her girlfriend googly-eyed.  
Haruka: OO  
Hotaru: New title for this group: "Sailor Moon & Friends Porn."  
Setsuna: Sailor Moon's not here you little Bitch!  
Hotaru: Well, not in _this_ episode...  
Michiru: Where _is_ Sailor Moon?  
Setsuna: Up in the loony bin for a while.  
Hotaru: How do you know?  
Setsuna: 'Cuz I'm the one who sent her there! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Hotaru: Setsuna-san, you're beginning to scare me...  
Setsuna mooned Hotaru, then Haruka slapped Setsuna's buns.  
Setsuna: We're all perverts!  
Haruka: YAY!  
Michiru: Perverts live forever!  
Haruka: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL!  
Hotaru: Whoo hoo... I guess...  
Michiru and Setsuna began dancing happily (and nakedly) around Haruka. Haruka whacked Michiru's butt repeatedly.  
Haruka: Whoa... SUH WEET!  
Setsuna grabbed hold of the nearest light pole and pole danced. Haruka saw how intense Setsuna was getting and wandered over to her, quickly forgetting about Michiru.  
Setsuna: Tee hee!  
Hotaru: And nobody cares about me! BOO HOO!  
She cried, longing for attention.  
Haruka: Because you SUCK!  
Michiru, in a random spur of the moment, ripped all of Hotaru's clothes off in one swift swipe and ran off with the naked child.  
Hotaru: WAAAAH!  
Michiru: AAAIEEEEEEEEEE!  
Hotaru: What are you doing!

Setsuna laughed at the naked Michiru running around carrying naked Hotaru over her shoulder.  
Haruka: Oh, boy... Here comes another lawsuit from Souichi...  
Setsuna: Let's follow her!  
She said, starting to run after. Haruka followed, calling,  
Haruka: MICHI! What the fuck are you doin', baby!

Father down the block than the others, Michiru passed a dumpster and ditched Hotaru in it. Hotaru landed in the trash and Michiru kept on running. Haruka saw this and began laughing so hard, she was unable to continue chasing Michiru.  
Haruka: Haha!  
Setsuna: Run, Hotaru, run!  
Hotaru: I am in the dumpster... I can't...  
Michiru: SOU CATCH ME CATCH ME CATCH YOU CATCH YOU MATTE!

Hotaru climbed out of the dumpster, and almost immediately after she got out, Setsuna picked her up and tossed her at Michiru.  
Hotaru: Now I'm being thrown?  
Michiru: No uh! Not at me! NOOO!  
Michiru sped up and Hotaru missed.  
Setsuna: Stop running, Michiru!  
Suddenly, Hotaru turned around and started beating Setsuna.

Michiru reached Hotaru's house and ran up to the front door, pounding on it like a madwoman. Kaorinite answered the door while Michiru kept beating. Michiru hit Kaorinite's breasts.  
Kaorinite: Ouch! My tities!  
Michiru grabbed Kaorinite and ran inside the house. Then she locked them both inside Kaorinite's room.  
Kaorinite: Why did you hit my tities!  
Michiru: Shut up and let's fuck!

Outside, Setsuna and Hotaru approached the house.  
Hotaru: Where am I?  
Setsuna: You are behind me.  
Hotaru: Oh, okay.  
Setsuna twisted the knob on the door.  
Setsuna: It's locked!  
Hotaru: Umm, what should... We do?  
Without hesitation, Setsuna came up with a solution.  
Setsuna: PLUUTO PLANETO PAWAA, MEIKKU APPU!  
She twirled her Time Key and inserted it into the lock.

Meanwhile, back in Kaorinite's room, the two women commenced their hardcore lesbian sex.

Setsuna: Now, shall I beat Michiru over the head continually with my Time Key until death, or torture her a while?  
Hotaru: My dad keeps his rifles in the den.  
Setsuna: Good thinking!

Setsuna returned shortly after with a rifle in hand. Hotaru and her proceeded to Kaorinite's room and busted the door down.  
Hotaru: New title - Let's hump Keorinite!  
Kaorinite: My name is KAORINITE!  
Setsuna quickly opened fire on Michiru.  
Michiru: AAAHH! YOU SHOOTIN' AT MEE!  
Setsuna: YAH!  
Michiru sprung out of the bed and jumped out the open window. Kaorinite still lay on the bed naked, covered in Michiru's sex liquids.  
Hotaru: I think I'm gonna be sick!  
She said, gagging, as she ran out of the room.  
Kaorinite: I AM SEXAH!  
Setsuna shot at Kaorinite.  
Setsuna: Die, you fuckin' ass, die!

As Michiru ran down the block, she could hear the echo of gunfire and Kaorinite's screams.  
Michiru: Oh, well! Sucks fer her!

Just then, Haruka came walking into the room.  
Haruka: I hated that Bitch.  
Setsuna: Kaorinite?  
Haruka: I was talking about Hotaru.  
Setsuna clicked the gun. It was empty. She threw it down and proceeded following Michiru.  
Setsuna: Come back here, you water freak! I'll drown you to death!

THE END

Michiru: Hi, everyone! Rumor has it that Sailor Moon's been FIRED! Yup, that's right! So, I'm taking her place as the STAR! This season's gonna be renamed "Sailor Neptune S." Yeah, and my name isn't Michiru anymore. I'm changing it to Moichiru. Moi is french for 'me' amd then 'chiru' is just the rest of my name. So, it's Moichiru 'cuz it's all about ME! Yay!  
Hotaru: That's not true.  
Moichiru: SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!  
Setsuna: There you are! Wait till I get my hands on you!  
Moichiru: Oops, gotta go! Sailor Neptune says!


End file.
